a few songs that I quite like

Man! What a weekend! I had my first anxiety attack since August! It was lame as hell!

I gave a lot of thought to whether or not I’d confront that in my blog this weekend; I had a few ideas for ways to go at it, some things I might say about it, some ways I might try to make it feel smaller and less awful than it was. In the end, though, I decided it’s not time to take it apart yet. It’s better, at the moment, not to be experiencing it; it’s better to make a little distance before I chase the particular brain spiders that birthed it out from their dark corners.

Instead: Here are some songs! I find find them comforting, and they make me happy, including when I am trying to hide from velociraptors that aren’t there.

Shearwater: Animal Life
Charging down the maw of the ocean
I want to come close; I want to come closer
I held your name inside my mouth
Through all the days out wandering

Alt-J: Dissolve Me
And pulse to pulse: Now shush
She makes the sound the sea makes
To calm me down
She makes the sound the sea makes;
I’m tired now

Dotan – Let The River In (a… not great video, but the best audio available)
I hear the breaking of bricks and mortar
I feel the rhythm of the water
Oh, let the river in
Burst the dams and start again

Kate Rusby – Underneath The Stars
Underneath the stars I’ll meet you
Underneath the stars I’ll greet you
And underneath the stars I’ll leave you
Before you go of your own free will;
Go gently

(J.R.R. Tolkien, in The Return of the King, describes a sound as being “sad but not unhappy;” I think of that when I hear that last song. It is a better way to be sad than being unhappy; sometimes, when things are bad, it is possible to replace one with the other in a way that is still sad, but better.)

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